How to Break the Habit of Thinking About Your Ex

Okay, so you’re trying to move on from your ex. You're doing everything you can, you're trying your best to be busy, but you still find yourself thinking about them way too often. Those memories, those conversations, that inside joke you used to share â€" they keep popping up in your mind, sometimes even when you least expect it. It's a cycle that feels impossible to break, and it's frustrating because you know you deserve to be happy, to move on, to find someone new who truly deserves you.

Trust me, I’ve been there. We all have. The feeling of being haunted by someone from the past, a constant reminder of what was and what isn’t anymore. But the good news is, you are not alone, and there are ways to break free from this obsessive cycle.

Let’s dive in, and let's talk about how to stop thinking about your ex and start living your life to the fullest, without them clouding your mind.

Understand the Why

Before we jump into the how-tos, it's important to understand why you’re still thinking about your ex. This isn’t just a matter of “getting over it”. There’s a reason behind those thoughts, and figuring it out is the first step to breaking free.

It’s not always about love. Sometimes it’s about…

• Closure: Maybe you never got the chance to say everything you needed to, or you’re still trying to make sense of what happened.
• Grief: Breakups are losses, and losing someone you were close to, even if the relationship wasn’t perfect, can bring up feelings of sadness, loneliness, and even anger.
• Habits: Think about all the things you used to do with your ex. Maybe you'd call them every night, go for walks together, or have coffee in the morning. Breaking these habits can leave a void that your brain tries to fill by thinking about them.
• Fear of the unknown: Moving on can be scary. What if you don’t find anyone else? What if you’re never as happy as you were with your ex? These worries can keep you stuck in the past.

Once you identify the reason, you can start addressing it. Are you holding onto feelings of anger or resentment? Is there something you need to say or do to find closure?

Start the Re-Wiring Process

Thinking about your ex is a habit. Like any habit, it can be broken with conscious effort and time. You can actually rewire your brain to think differently. This takes time and patience, but it is possible, and the rewards are worth it.

1. Acknowledge and Accept

The first step is recognizing that you are having these thoughts. Don’t try to push them away or ignore them. Simply observe them without judgment. Say to yourself, “Okay, I’m thinking about my ex right now.”

The more you acknowledge these thoughts without getting caught up in them, the less power they hold over you.

2. Replace the Thought

When those thoughts pop up, don’t just try to force them out. Instead, replace them with something else. Try thinking about something positive, something that makes you happy, or something you’re grateful for.

• Focus on your goals: What are you working towards? Think about your career aspirations, your creative projects, or your travel plans.
• Engage your senses: Listen to your favorite song, smell a fragrant candle, or savor a piece of chocolate. This can help ground you in the present moment.
• Get lost in a good book or movie: Let yourself be transported to a different world and forget about everything else for a while.

3. The Power of Distraction

We all know that "out of sight, out of mind" can sometimes work wonders. Distraction is your ally when it comes to breaking this habit.

• Keep busy: Sign up for a new hobby, join a sports team, volunteer, or start a new project. Fill your days with activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
• Surround yourself with supportive friends: Spend time with people who make you laugh, lift you up, and remind you of your worth.
• Reconnect with old hobbies: Rekindle a passion you’ve neglected, like painting, playing an instrument, or writing.
• Physical activity: Exercise is a great way to release stress and boost your mood.

Break the Cycle

It's not always about what you think about, but how you think about it.

1. Challenge your Thoughts

Ask yourself: “Is this thought helpful? Is it true?” Often, we dwell on negative thoughts that aren’t actually serving us.

For example, if you’re thinking about your ex’s new partner, ask yourself: “Why am I comparing myself to someone else? What does their relationship have to do with my own happiness?”

2. Practice Self-Compassion

You’re human. It’s okay to miss your ex, to feel sad, and to have those moments where you’re not feeling your best. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge these feelings without judgment. Remember that it’s a process, and you're doing the best you can.

3. Practice Gratitude

Shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have. Make a list of things you are grateful for, big or small. Appreciate the good things in your life, and it will be easier to let go of the negative.

The Journey Ahead

Remember, moving on is a journey, not a race. There will be good days and bad days, moments when you feel strong and moments when you feel weak. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal and learn new patterns of thinking.

It’s a good idea to keep track of your progress. Every time you successfully replace a thought, or engage in a positive distraction, celebrate your small wins. You’re building new habits, and they will become stronger over time.

And most importantly, remember that you deserve to be happy. Don't let thoughts of your ex hold you back from living your best life. You are worthy of love, happiness, and fulfilling relationships.